Hi there! Sorry to leave you hanging over the long (and very shoppable, if you’re into that) weekend! Although I tend to delusionally think of myself as some kind of superhero capable of working countless hours and burning the candle at both ends, it turns out that I am exhausted. Just wiped out. All the fun and effort to get this new site for my blog launched turned out to be a more monumental effort (still in progress, damn you comments why won’t you import???) than I presumed and planned for. While I’m so proud of the finished result — and delighted by the positive feedback in comments, emails, messages and such, THANK YOU — I’m also creatively drained.
This blog has been so many things for me, from a fun escape to a business and back to a fun escape again. I have made so many mistakes along the way of this blog and had some really great wins too. I love sharing my shopping hobby with you but I also see this new site as a great opportunity to stop, slow down and examine where we’re going. For example, I’ve had so much fun shooting and sharing my OOTDs over the last several months…but at the beginning of May, I felt my Spring outfit shopping is pretty much complete aside from a few odds and ends I’ll pick up, and I felt weird about the idea of continuing to shoot looks which would mostly be borrowed. So I took a pause for now…I’ve got two outfits left in the hopper to share and then I’ll be focusing on working with what I already own for the time being, unless of course some magnificent item comes along that I must have. I’ll always be looking for new stuff to add to my wishlist because it’s a fun habit that brings me peace and happiness, but my buying is on a serious slowdown right now. Which is not a directive that yours should also be on a slowdown…lord knows there have been times when I’ve delighted in shopping while others are holding back.
Additionally there are a lot of balls in the air in my personal life right now. In my 20s I used to swing from happiness to sadness and back again. In my 30s I’ve learned that I can be simultaneously happy with my life overall and yet have tinges of sadness dotting the day. This may sound completely obvious — duh Roxy, you can be happy and sad and feel multiple emotions at the same time — yet somehow I truly didn’t know that. I’ve settled into a nice contentment with my life, yet also yearning for what’s next, the exciting future I can picture that hasn’t yet manifested into reality. I still feel little pangs of sadness daily about losing my Dad, and wondering how best to take care of my Mom, who was married to Dad for exactly 50 years before his death last Fall and has never lived on her own until now. While my Dad’s final decline was happening, I also moved to a new apartment with my boyfriend after selling our starter place much faster than we expected to. We have the money from the sale invested and are currently renting to see what the home market does here. I thought this new rental apartment would be our dream home; we are quickly discovering its many shortfalls, from leaky master bathroom ceilings to fob-accessed tenant rooms where the fobs stop working at the worst possible moments. It’s total first world problems kind of issues but they tug on me daily. Home has always been respite and right now it’s hard to relax fully at home. The good news is we only signed a 2-year lease; the bad news is we signed a 2-year lease.
Speaking of money, I am also looking more seriously at my financial situation. Being in my mid-30s in NYC, I am delighted to say that I feel successful in my professional career…but I do not feel successful financially. Although I am ever better at managing my finances debts are a tricky recurring issue for me. I pay off my credit cards, then months later they seem to be maxed out again. I feel ahead financially, then a surprise debt comes along that wipes out my savings. I read an article on Facebook last week a friend shared about a late 20-something couple who lives in Brooklyn but ‘barely scrapes by’ on $500k a year and realized…that could also be said of me. I feel it’s important to be transparent about this since I write about shopping. I never advocate spending beyond one’s means here and always advise taking a break if you feel pressured to spend. My debts are not shopping debts but rather business ones — my issue seems to be that I invest too much in my businesses before they are making enough revenue to cover the expenses, leaving me pissing away money on interest. In my mind I consider my personal and business finances separate, but again as this is a shopping blog I want to be open with the fact that my finances are not ideal and I’m working to get where I’d like to be.
Additionally, this blog provides a steady stream of fun income for me but isn’t reliable — I’m currently having a huge issue with one of my affiliate programs (the links you click on here are nearly always affiliate links, which pay me a small percentage if you make a purchase) which has been improperly tracking my earnings since February yet can’t seem to figure out how or why. As a result, my earnings through that program have dropped by nearly 80% in the last 3 months. Several years ago I had a similar issue with RewardStyle, who incidentally has been amazing for the last several months, and now it’s Shopstyle Collective’s turn to fudge it up with me. It’s alarming how opaque the affiliate model is…when I have an issue as an ‘influencer’, the affiliate networks can say they’re tracking everything correctly and unless you have really good direct relationships with retail partners (which I luckily do in many cases) there’s no way for a blogger to challenge that. I’m sure in the end everything will be rectified and I’ll be made whole, but in the meantime it’s frustrating and draining. The good news is that I know I’m still in love with this blog because even with the prospect of earning 80% less from it per month via that affiliate program, I want to continue blogging! It makes me smile to know this blog still lights up that happiness in my heart. I adore sharing this space with you, the community!
Anyway, I am not trying to make this a woe is me post, because in truth as I alluded to above my days are mainly happy tinged with moments of sadness. This isn’t a feel sorry for me post but rather a pulling back of the veil to share where my head is currently at and speak with you openly and vulnerably from my heart. The long weekend gave me a great excuse to step away for a few days and think about the kind of shopping and musings content I’d like to write going forward, and I think I need another day or maybe three to get all the way there. I’ve also taken a short Instagram sabbatical which has been so good for my mental health. I used to run myself ragged and then keep going until I turned into a mean, vile boor. I think I ran into that wall enough times to finally learn to back off and rejuvenate instead. (I hope I’ve learned!)
Thank you so much for being here, and for your continued support. I would like to give you a big hug!!
YOU'RE AMAZING ROXY ? and I will always continue to support this blog.
I struggle with sharing the personal details of my life even though I benefit from the experience of others. I'm just way too guarded but I thank and depend on people like you for your transparency and teachings! Can totally relate to everything you mentioned, just last week I was in turmoil over a decision that would financially take me out of my comfort zone (lots of financial risk) but also not wanting to remain stagnant at this stage in my life.
Sending ::::good vibes::: your way and I know everything will fall into place shortly ? *hugs*
Agree with Lindinha !!!!
Ur amazing Roxy and we love u❤️ And believe me I can't live without this blog. Lol. Love to share my shopping excellent finds and hear what others have to say about their experiences.
Xoxo to u Roxy!!!!
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Thank you Lindinha, for this lovely message that made me smile when I first saw it and again now upon re-read. ❤️
Thanks for sharing Roxy. I think its completely normal and healthy to have some deep reflections on your life and priorities because your a different person than you were 10 years ago. A "reshuffle" happens for me too every so often! Sending good thoughts to you!
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So true! All people grow and change over time and I think it's easy to forget that. Thank you for injecting me with some reassurance, Amelia.
I really appreciate the honesty reflected in your post. I feel like the internet- mostly social media and blogs tend to gravitate towards having a fake air to them. So many people and I'm guilty of it as well only post about and even exaggerate the positive points in life. When I'm struggling and feeling down the same blogs and social media accounts that I love can leave me feeling alienated and alone.
Much love to you moving forward and I'm very sorry to hear about the passing of your father.
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Thank you Sima.
I agree with you about social media…I don't think it's always on purpose but when you only see one side of someone it's hard to remember they are a rounded person with more to them than what we see. I like to peel back the curtain every so often for this reason.
Hang in there, Roxy! Big hugs!
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Thank you lady. ❤️
I have been a reader for over a year now. You were my introduction to the world of Anthropologie, one which I hold very dear to my heart. It has helped me find myself and gain new friends from this wonderful community. I've so admired your thoughtful writing, your ability to share with us when you're at your best but also when you're vulnerable. This is not about clothes, or shopping…it's about finding what makes us happy. Be it a half price pair of pants or a nice reply comment from someone you don't know. Anyway, I truly hope you find your center again. Enjoy this much needed R&R time. Hugs from Mexico.
"Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." -Napoleon Hill
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Love the Napoleon Hill quote Shelly! He is one of my favorites. Thank you for your kind words.
Big hug back to you Roxy!
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🙂
You are awesome Roxy! Thanks for sharing your heart!
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Thank you for that, Carrie.
As the others say, hang in there. As someone even older – 50's, I have to say life is a series of ups and downs, non-working fobs, leaky roofs, college bills, superstorm sandy's – take your pick. And it is tough being goal oriented as you are which is a fantastic quality but there are always new goals! I must say, this blog for me is my morning coffee escape – I have my cup of coffee and look to see what is new on my favorite blogs (this being one of them for may years). Whichever path you take I will follow as I enjoy the outfit talk (how would i have known how badly I needed blue suede pumps?), life talk, whatever. Your honesty is appreciated as I think we live too much today in a word of perfect lives and photoshopped pictures which unfortunately is not reality.
Could not agree more, Shari!
Roxy, I recently came across a 'personal style' blogger who writes constantly about how to design your wardrobe around making your Instagram feed look good (!) I couldn't believe what I was reading. To me, that was a symptom of how out-of-whack things can get if you don't step back and regain perspective.
I'm so thankful for your honesty in your own journey, and your blog remains a key surfing destination for me because it's good, but also real!
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Too true. It is nice to know that even when things are not going how I prefer, this too shall pass.
And yes, everyone needs blue suede pumps like those J. Crew ones!! ?
Thank you for your honesty. It's really refreshing and I've always felt that you're one of the rare genuine bloggers. Dealing with a loss is so complicated and takes a long time to find a new normal.
Wishing you lots of strength and I know you will find a good place for yourself. We are here to support you. I love seeing how you style and remix outfits, especially really old anthro pieces. Your writing is always thorough and thoughtful too. I look forward to your new content.
Much love to you.
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Thank you AKY! Smiling again.
Hang in there! Your blog is awesome and your outfits and posts are awesome! We appreciate what you do. Please know that!
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Thank you very much for saying that anon!!
I enjoyed the candid honesty in this post. Thanks for that Roxy. I've enjoyed most of the content posted and have come to enjoy checking your blog for sale posts. Hope the break is helpful and you come back refreshed!
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Thank you Michelle, I am indeed refreshed. 🙂
You are one of my favorite bloggers. I enjoy your content and the way it's presented. Definitely looking forward to what comes next. Take care of you first and everything else will fall into place. Here's a big hug and positivity coming your way.
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Thank you AKT! You are so right, I am feeling good again after taking care of me for a few days.
Oh Roxy. Thank you for sharing your heart. I didn't realize you lost your dear dad, and my heart aches for you. Please continue being kind to yourself and taking breaks whenever needed. What's bigger than any income you may have received from your affiliates is that other link we share—humanity. You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers. We are all here for you, and you can share your sadness any time.
Here is a little wisdom from author, Anne Lamott:
"If people were grieving, I would sit with them while they cried, and I would not say a single word, like "Time heals all," or "This too shall pass." I would practice having the elegance of spirit to let them cry, and feel like shit, for as long a they need to, because tears are the way home–baptism, hydration–and I would let our shoulders touch, and every so often I'd point out something beautiful in the sky–a bird, clouds, the hint of a moon. Then we'd share some cherries and/or M&M's, and go find a little kid who would let us swim in his or her inflatable pool. I'd tell the sad person, "Come back next week, I'll be here–and you don't have to feel ONE speck better. It's a come-as-you-are meeting, like with God, who says, "You just show up, my honey."
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That sounds so beautiful Sandy! I admire your ability to be there with people and listen to them, that takes such a compassionate presence!
I have enjoyed your blog for many years. It certainly is fun to read your Anthro comments. Take time out for yourself and know your readers will be waiting for you when you return. Best wishes!
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Thank you so much Carol! I am truly delighted in knowing you guys are here for me, thank you thank you!
Roxy. Thank you. Thank you for pulling back the veil, as you so aptly put it. As a freelancer myself, I know all to well the feast-or-famine feeling, and I empathize with you on that front. You’ve done amazing things with growing this blog and community. You’ve given us an opportunity to take a step back and humanize the blog even more. This is both your passion, and we appreciate the opportunity to revel in your passion. I love your style and fashion insights – it’s why I have visited this site so often over the last three years! I hope that ShopStyle gets its act in gear – and soon. Best wishes to you.
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Many thanks Karla, and it's nice to hear from someone in a similar profession. 🙂
I love this post Roxy, thank you so much for sharing this heart to heart, it really speaks so much truth. Your blog for me is so very special.
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Thank you Jess! It is lovely to have you here.
Thanks for sharing, Roxy. I've been following the blog for years now, and it's not so much about the fashion (which can be fast and short-lived), but it's about YOU. Your voice, your ideas, your humour, your honesty. There's a huge community that's been following your blog for years now. We love you! And we'll be here for a while.
Take a break. Take care of yourself. Sit back and enjoy what you have and what you have accomplished. Rest up and refresh. Spend some quality time with your love and your family: that's what's important.
Big hugs xoxo
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Ahhhh thanks for putting such lovely thoughts into words amles. 🙂 Reading them makes me feel wonderful!
Roxy, I've been reading your blog for almost 10 years, how crazy is that! I rarely post or comment but I have contacted you on numerous occasions to ask a question and you have always been responsive and gracious. I enjoy reading your blog and value your point of view. Take a break and enjoy. Your loyal followers will still be here, checking in and wishing you well. (hugs)
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That is crazy wonderful Ann!!! Thank you for being such a longtime reader, sticking with me as I've grown and changed and even in my not-so-great moments. ?
Roxy- enjoyed your heartfelt post and while not in my 30's I can relate. Life is ebbs and flows, happy/sad, peaks/valley's. You've had some year and the passing of a parent is life altering emotionally no matter how old one is. Take the time to recharge. I enjoy your blog and will be here when you return.
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Bronzi, thank you for sharing this. So glad you are here.
THANK YOU, Roxy, for putting to words what so many of us feel in our lives. I know objectively I have so many things to be thankful for in my life. I know this. And yet there are so many moments where I do feel that sadness, and I wonder what's wrong with me. To have someone say "hey it happens to me and it's hard and we all fight it" does so much good for all of us. So thank you for your selflessness and vulnerability in sharing.
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Yes, that is what I was feeling! Fully diving into the sadness I was feeling helped a lot. I am glad I don't fear it the way I used to…and see it as more natural. Wonderful way of putting it into words Nadia.
Roxy! Hope you are doing well/better, I do love this community even if I don't spend as much time at Anthro as I used to so your insight has been so useful.
Hurry up and feel better so you can post a summer shoe post so we can review them! Even though I like a lot of the summer shoes, I reserve the right to say WTF Anthro at these ones:
https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/ariana-bohling…
ha ha ha it looks like part of mop attached to the shoe ha ha ha. hilarious
Oh wow, those things look ridiculous haha!!
And that price, yikes!
Answers the question 'What would happen if a terrier mated with a flip-flop?' ;^)
Ha ha ha???
That's a good one!
???
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Oh my GOD what even are those???? ?????
Anthropologie is trolling us now right? They know a lot of their stuff is awful so now they're competing to see what the most awful thing they can release is?
Haha, I saw these this morning, before looking here, I thought they looked like dog hair as well. Gross.
Roxy – thank you so much for your honesty. This blog is one of my favorites because you are always so honest and human. Life altering events can often make us re-evaluate our lives in a major way. And grief needs time of it's own. Take all the time you need.
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Thank you so much Anthropolitan. I am grateful for your kind words.
Roxy, Great post… but just one thing… didn't you say you were in shopping debt a few years back? I won't quote the exact figure out of respect for privacy… But I thought that's what I read?
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You did read that, back in 2011, in a post similar to this one. I explained in that post how I'd gotten into that situation and what I was learning from that.
Here is that post: http://effortlesslywithroxy.com/2011/09/thoughts-…
Back when I was writing that post I was already in progress of paying off those debts and thinking of what my next steps were. By the summer of 2012 those debts were paid off and I'd stockpiled enough of a large savings account to quit my job, take several months off from work and then give it a go at blogging 3/4-time and launch my own company. Ultimately, my company didn't work out for me and I ended up going back to work in 2014, but what's cool is that I have a better work-life balance now.
My finances are a work in progress and probably always will be. I have a habit of putting the cart before the horse, previously in shopping and now in my own business affairs. I see that in myself and this post was meant to be a declaration of accountability to myself and the community here, but please don't skew that into permission to pick me apart. Believe me, it was hard enough to write this post.
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Fresh posting will resume tomorrow! Thank you all for the beautiful comments, I will respond to each one of them tonight!! ♥️♥️
Looks like there are some 3rd cuts on tops…
Anthro sent an e-mail link to its new lookbook – sadly it is another sad compilation of clothing. The only thing I added was the terry tee. Although I must say on a business trip I realized I left something home and ended up purchasing the gardenia lace column dress to wear to a function. I did not read the reviews until after and unlike some of the others, it fit me perfectly (I think you have to be short wasted with an athletic build). Highly recommend if it fits you as it is a beautiful and comfortable dress.
Agreed Shari, everything looks quite boring…maybe a couple of things but nothing I'm bowled over about at the moment. I'm really hoping the Fall line-up is much more exciting than this:)